We all find ourselves picking up the pieces of a devastating experience and we all try to hide our pain. Trying to present our lives as normal, happy, and dare I say, perfect, takes a toll. For years I did my best to portray this image. I tried to be like a beautiful and strong thick lead glass vase, regardless of what festered inside. Resilient enough to withstand less-than-careful handling, keep my contents inside, and still sparkle through faceted details.
It doesn’t take a cinderblock to break a lead glass vase. Thousands of pebbles thrown will eventually nick and chip the vase to a pile of tiny shards. Like a detailed lead glass vase, no one could see all the hairline cracks hidden in my faceted details, until I shattered.
Shattered to Pieces
Picking up the pieces was impossible for me. During and after my divorce, I spent a couple years traumatized and suicidal. I tried going through the motions of rebuilding my life, but my meaning for living had been stripped away. Always the protective mom, my children were my reason for living. As adults, they chose a different path, and suddenly, I was alone. My pile of tiny shards kept getting smaller, leaving me with less to rebuild.
Sobbing into my pillow was a nightly occurrence. I begged God to fix everything. I screamed my head off in my car on lonely country roads. I’ve spent most of my life studying God’s Word and trying to be the Christian he needs me to be. Why was God was allowing me to suffer so much?
Then I realized my priorities were off. My children were a gift from God. I prayed to receive them, and I loved every single minute with them. And I put this wonderful gift above everything else in my life, including God. I wasn’t trusting God. I believed only I could protect us. “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell” Matthew 10:28, (ESV). While my fear was justified, it was earthly. My focus should have always been on God and trusting he will take care of everything else.
Father Knows Best
Small children have temper tantrums to get their way. Parents must keep their children safe, which means children don’t always get their way. We may not throw ourselves on the floor kicking and screaming, but we adults still insist on getting our way. When God doesn’t give us the answer we want, we justify getting it anyway. God knows things we don’t, just like parents. When we go against God, we usually get hurt. Forgiving those who hurt us is crucial for God to forgive us. But if we’re honest, is our suffering the result of our own action? I’m not talking about blaming the victim. I mean, did a personal choice set off a domino effect that led to the pain? Was the need for picking up the pieces preventable?
I used to tell my kids not to walk into bear caves. This was a metaphor for not putting yourself in a potentially bad situation. If you walk into a cave full of hungry bears, you can’t be surprised when they attack you. Stay out of the bear cave instead of thinking you can convince the bears they’re not hungry. It never works, and only God can change the bear.
The Root of Your Problem
If you are the root of your own problem, ask for forgiveness, then forgive yourself. Only after forgiveness has truly occurred and you’ve given your resulting problem and hurt to God, can the healing begin. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalm 147:3, (ESV). Picking up the pieces takes time, use that time for reflection, learning, and growing.
Forgiving someone who willfully hurt you is hard, especially if it was a continual practice. Imagine if you could hand that person over to the authorities. They would conduct investigations, interviews, entire court proceedings, and sentencing without you ever having to be involved. That is what it means to forgive someone and let God take care of the rest. You get to go on with your life. When a painful memory creeps in, acknowledge it, let it go, and thank God for getting you to the other side and helping while you’re picking up the pieces.
If you do have to go through legal proceedings, trust that God is looking out for you, even when you can’t see him working. We often have to go through a period of suffering in order to receive the blessing. Sometimes we’re not ready for the blessing. Sometimes the blessing isn’t ready for us. Keep praying. He always hears you.
The Path to Picking up the Pieces
Picking up the pieces and moving on doesn’t mean you condone what has happened. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care for others in your life or that you’ve left them behind. If you are a broken pile of crystal shards, you’re unable to do anything but cut people who get too close. Begin to put those pieces back together one day at a time. Sure, there will be scratches, chips, and lots of new seams where there weren’t any before, but scars are thicker and stronger.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” Romans 12:2, (ESV). I chose Romans 12:2 as the tagline for my hypnotherapy practice because it is relevant for so many avoidable problems. The world tells us to just “go with the flow.” If we test what’s being said, or what we want, against God’s Word, facts, and logic, we will know if “the flow” is a gentle freshwater stream or an ocean rip current. Don’t conform – transform.
Only allow pure and healthy thoughts in your mind and your attitude and behavior about yourself will follow. When you learn to respect yourself, it will be easier to identify toxic people and set boundaries for protection. And never think you can walk into a bear cave unscathed. It isn’t your job to fix people. As you pick up your pieces, you can put them back and swap them out however you want. Always remember, a gorgeous mosaic is made by picking up the pieces.
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