Thankful?

Thankful for What?

The holidays can feel like a cruel joke to some. People who are isolated, separated from loved ones, or are grieving the loss of a loved one are struggling. Hearing people talk about all the relatives coming for Thanksgiving dinner is like a knife in the chest to someone who can’t be with the people they love. Listening to people complain about everything they have to do for Thanksgiving dinner is like turning that knife.

Being invited to celebrate with someone else’s family may amplify the fact that the other family has what you don’t. Inviting people who will otherwise be alone is an act of compassion, but it could make the invitee feel lonelier than if they were actually alone. The pain of being in the middle of someone else’s happiness may create anxiety and cause the lonely person to feel that their loneliness is in the spotlight.

Be Aware

Obviously, everyone shouldn’t have to tip-toe around everyone else during the holidays and pretend to be miserable to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. It’s normal to be happy and share your happiness, just be aware that not everyone is having the same experience. It can be a real downer to hear someone express their heartache when you’re loving life. That said, most people just need to be heard. They don’t expect anyone to fix their problems and they don’t want any kind of charity. They just want to know their pain is valid and to know they’re not invisible.

Inviting people to share in your holiday festivities is a wonderful and generous gesture. Just be aware that it may make the other person uncomfortable for reasons that have nothing to do with you. If they refuse, keep the offer open in case they change their mind. Knowing that someone cares and understands their situation goes a long way to comfort them.

For goodness’s sake, keep your advice to yourself unless you are directly asked for it. Unless you have personal experience with their exact situation or you’re a counselor or other authority on the matter, you don’t understand how they feel. “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Proverbs 18:2, ESV). It’s insulting to have people clueless about what you’re going through tell you how to feel and what to do.

Shift the Focus

If you’re one of the lonely people during the holidays, do your best to shift the focus off your sadness. Volunteer your time at a homeless shelter, animal shelter, or other non-profit organization. If you know of other lonely people, get together with them and start your own new traditions. Think of ways you can help someone who wants help. When you help others, you’ll begin to feel a sense of purpose and belonging.

When your sadness is due to a loss, focus on the good memories and do something that honors that person. Make their favorite dish, light a special candle, do something they enjoyed. If you’re able, you could donate in your loved one’s name to an organization he or she liked or supported. Do something for yourself that your loved one would want you to do.

Happy Scrapping

Crafting might not be for everyone. But anyone can construct a binder with pictures, stories, and quotes that reminds you of your value and generates smiles. The contents can come from your own collection, newspapers, magazines, or posts found online and printed. The construction need not be fancy. A simple 3-ring binder with printer paper works just fine. Sliding the completed pages into clear page protectors will make it sturdier and eliminate the need for3-hole hole punching. The only rule for compiling items in the book is that they must make you feel good.

This may sound like a silly idea. However, once you set out to find stories and quotes that make you happy, you’ll be conditioning yourself to seek out pleasant things rather than focusing on the bad. Being able to see the positive in every situation is a gift. This gift makes life more enjoyable and bearable in times of crisis and turmoil. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22, ESV).

Look for Blessings

Finding negativity is easy but there is little value in it. Sure, it’s important to understand dangers, risks, and potential consequences. But for the most part, being optimistic is a much more enjoyable and healthy way of life. Looking for blessings doesn’t mean you have to wear rose-colored glasses and only see wonderful things where there really aren’t any. It means that you choose to illuminate the good rather than evil. Don’t let evil win.

The more you look for blessings and find things to be thankful for, the easier it is. The easier it is, the more it becomes instinctive. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8, ESV). If you like a challenge or are competitive, make a game of finding something to be thankful for in every situation and every hour. It’s amazing how much better you feel when you choose thankfulness in spite of pain.

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